(blogs let others gawk)

April 5, 2016

Reviews: Criminal Girls (Vita)

So all I wanted was some old school RPG action. Honest. What I got was Criminal Girls: Invite Only on the Vita which was a fantastic, 100% solid, old-school, 90’s RPG experience if you don’t count the bizarre, pervy mini-games that unlock your team member attacks. No seriously, I could have really done without the mini-games and those alone make this game almost un-recommendable to pretty much anyone who… hmm… yeah, I got nothing. I almost regret playing this game. For comparison this was way worse than Conception II which reaalllllly bothered me as well. 🙁

The game… you are in hell and you are escorting a group of “teen” lolly girls (they really make a point to age them as all high-school graduates… yeah) out of hell by directing them to fight monsters. The pervy mini-games for boosting their skills consists of one-on-one sessions where you drive out their temptations by spanking, tickling, etc… Just typing this out is making me uncomfortable again. Look, I know there are people that like this stuff but frankly I can’t imagine how this got released outside of Japan. Worse yet, they made a lame-assed attempt at censorship of the mini-games for the Western market that really didn’t make the mini-games any less pervy to the point where they probably shouldn’t have even bothered since all it did was get everyone online bitching about the censorship. Why am I playing this again???

Criminal Girls

Mini-games aside though the RPG part of the game was great fun, the music was fantastic, very much a solid 90’s style RPG experience. Hat tip on grind management as well. At one point you can get a spell that allows you ward off monsters (not bosses) while you wonder dungeons, and a second spell to summon a monster encounter at will. This allows you to perform grinding on top of the save marker. Fight a few battles, rest, save, repeat until you’re ready to continue the game. I never really felt like grinding was a chore, or atleast I never felt like the task of grinding was going to risk me getting killed where I would have to repeat level building for the sake of not being able to save. Dungeons were pretty linear with minimal back-tracking that was fairly straight forward when it did happen.

Now I have to debate whether I leave this review up and admit to playing the game. I need a shower and some eye-bleach.


Next up we’ll cover Steins;Gate.